So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize