you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize