sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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