i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
