She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
