Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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