Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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