I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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