Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
