also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
