Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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