how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
