I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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