Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
COCAINE IS GR8
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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