i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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