Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
