Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
