If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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