You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
