bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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