After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
