took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
