Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
