I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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