tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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