I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
