There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
