Can Purell be used as lube?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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