He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
