I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
