Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
