According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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