Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
