Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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