So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
