I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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