the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
