you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
