just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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