Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
