So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
