I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
