I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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