just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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