I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
