She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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