some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
