Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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