please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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