i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
