so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
