She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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