And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
