i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
