lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
