I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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