I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
