ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
