Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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