A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
