I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
