So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize