We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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