Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
