Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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