Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i out mim tonsoeep
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