I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
