lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
