How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
