i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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